The Muggle Adventures of Padfoot and Prongs
by BlowMyHeartUp
Summary: James and Sirius are let loose in a muggle shopping centre without a supervisor... what could possibly go wrong?
1. The Elevator of Doom

The Elevator of Doom

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter_

_It's based on those lists of 'how to annoy people in a [insert everyday place here]'_

_This was written so long ago. I had it on my account on a different site which I completely forgot about until a few days ago. I thought I'd post it here too. I was thirteen when I wrote this! I apologise in advance for any rubbish mistakes or general badness! It's very short too :/ I'm not selling this story very well am I?_

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Lily Potter decided it was high time James and Sirius learned about living in the muggle world. She took them like two excited toddlers to the shopping centre.

James and Sirius begged and begged Lily to let them go off on their own. After a while Lily got annoyed and let them go while she sat in the cafe having a cup of coffee. James and Sirius soon found their first obstacle - a muggle elevator...

"Do you think it's the same as magical ones, Prongs?" asked Sirius in a very concerned voice. James shrugged.

"There's only one way to find out…" the two fully grown men walked cautiously towards the elevator. If it was like a magical elevator the doors would open automatically.

"I don't think they open on their own… do you think we should help them? They're probably stuck!" exclaimed James panicking.

Together they tried to pull the doors open. Struggling with all their might they managed to open it wide enough to see that the lift wasn't there… A little old lady walked over and pressed a small button at the side. James and Sirius shrugged. What was that crazy old bat doing?

Suddenly the doors opened on their own to reveal at least 6 muggles. The two men screamed at the shock of it all and Sirius almost fainted. Three of the rather insulted muggles got out and  
walked away bemused.

The old lady trotted in and James and Sirius followed nervously. James almost got stuck in the doors as they closed but Sirius heroically grabbed him and pulled him inside. The old lady went to push another button on a panel next to the door.

"Third floor please." James commanded to thin air – usually elevators could understand basic commands but apparently muggle ones couldn't. The muggles turned to look at him. James smiled and waved nervously. Sirius moved over to the old lady curiously.

"Um, excuse me but, can I press the buttons?" he asked enthusiastically. The old lady stepped aside and he edged cautiously closer to the panel. He pushed the number 3 and the lift felt as though it moved down. "NO! I want to go up!" Sirius screamed frantically pressing the buttons panicked. The muggles seemed to be panicking too – apparently pressing more than one button was bad.

James, meanwhile, had fallen on to the floor when the elevator had begun to move. They stared at him too.

"The elevators I usually go on are much gentler than this…" he explained running a hand through his messy hair embarrassed. People tried to stop Sirius from pressing the buttons but he wanted to work it out for himself. After a while it started to bug him that they were all waving hands in front of him when he was attempting to concentrate. Every time someone tried to press a button he slapped their hand away and at one point he remembered growling and biting in an outburst of canine instincts. The poor muggles were scared to death!

Finally, the old lady managed to hit Sirius over the head with her handbag. She pressed the number 3 and waited quietly. Sirius rubbed his head moaning.

For a few moments James and Sirius stood in the corner of the lift watching the other passengers, as though they might be attacked by more old ladies with handbags. Sirius soon got excited again and took out a muggle camera provided by Lily. He took pictures of the muggles and the control panel with the flashy buttons. James stopped him as muggles backed away defensively covering their  
private areas.

For the rest of the journey they cheered every time someone successfully got into the elevator. After missing the third floor twice they walked cockily into the mall leaving four nervous, chatting muggles behind them.

"So where to next Prongs?" asked Sirius playfully.


	2. The Supermarket Death Trap

The Supermarket Death Trap

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter_

_This was written a year later than the last chapter. So I would have been fourteen. Again, I apologise in advance for any mistakes or general badness_

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James and Sirius had walked into the first shop on the left. It happened to be a muggle's mini-supermarket. James and Sirius had never seen a shop like this before. Wizarding food shops didn't sell things such as garden things and toys. Outside the shop were huge baskets on wheels. They looked like the trolleys used for carrying trunks through King's Cross but they weren't.

Sirius climbed into the trolley curiously. "I think you're meant to push me round." Sirius said uncertainly. James shrugged and took the trolley up to the doors. As they walked towards them Sirius noticed that there were no door handles. He put his hands out in front of him to open them but he was beaten to it. The doors slid open without him touching it.

"Pad! What did you do that for? You do know this is a _muggle_ shopping centre! No magic!" James whispered angrily. Sirius tried to tell James that he hadn't done anything but James wouldn't hear it.

After a while they had collected lots of different kinds of random food and had decided to buy gifts for their friends. They bought Lily a bag of sweets named liquorice. They only knew that they were sweets because of their name and they had made the connection between liquorice wands and muggle liquorice, because they were clever like that. They had found Lupin a box of 'the best chocolates ever made.' And finally they found a toy aisle which looked amazingly bright and colourful.

Sirius pointed from inside the trolley to a bowl with little balls in it. James accidentally knocked into the bowl a bit with the trolley. Suddenly little balls of all different colours and patterns were bouncing in every direction.

"AGH!" Sirius screamed as most hit him on the head. James expertly caught one and decided this would be Peter's present.

Soon after this they found the frozen foods section. James opened a door curiously and peered inside. It looked like something from a Christmas movie that Lily always made him watch. He reached inside for an odd looking food at the back of the freezer. He couldn't reach it and so he placed one foot on the freezer and pulled himself up only to lose his balance and fall in.

"PRONGS!" shouted Sirius terrified at the sight of it. "HELP! THAT THING ATE MY FRIEND!" Muggles all around stopped to look at the man in the trolley pointing at a freezer in sheer horror. They tried to ignore him. Sirius rolled his eyes – what was wrong with these people? His friend had clearly just been devoured by a freezer and no one was bothering to help. He stood up shakily inside the trolley and felt it roll slightly. He placed both hands at the side of the trolley and jumped. This caused the trolley to capsize. Sirius rolled over on the floor amidst pizzas, jars and bottles. He stood up and brushed himself down.

After finally managing to pull a disturbed James out of the freezer he picked all of their chosen foods into the trolley and hopped back in.

They soon found themselves in another aisle selling pet food. They joked about getting a cage for Wormtail but decided against it. They ended up in an aisle with cleaning stuff. James was startled to find brooms! Of all things that muggles would not sell, they actually had BROOMS! He gleefully skipped over and took one off the shelf. Then he stuck one leg over and kicked the ground. Nothing happened. He kicked the ground again. Still nothing. After five attempts at getting the broom to work he threw it down on the floor. Seeing an employee he walked over imperiously.

"Did you know that those brooms don't work?" he snapped before walking back to his trolley and shooting one last angry face at the man. The employee looked at the broom and back at the corner which James had just turned and figured it must have been some sort of joke or dare.

Sirius navigated to a clothes aisle. They stared in awe at the strange clothes on sale. Muggles all around were discussing whether they would look good in a certain item of clothing. Sirius found it hard to believe that there were no robes or cloaks anywhere. He frowned at James before losing his temper.

"Who buys this crap anyway?" the muggles turned to look at him before hastily putting clothes back where they found them.

Finally they decided they were done and walked over to the tills which were beeping. Sirius decided he would have to get out of the trolley now. He jumped out and they started to unload stuff on to the conveyer belts.

Suddenly the conveyer belt moved. Sirius jumped back. He looked at James who didn't seem to have noticed. It did it again. He tapped James and told him to watch. It went again.

"Um, excuse me but can you stop doing that please? These are ours." Stated James firmly to the muggles in the front of the queue. The muggle apologised and told him he didn't know what he was talking about. The conveyer belt moved. "YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" James bellowed. The muggle timidly paid for his purchases and left.

Sirius had meanwhile managed to put the trolley on to the conveyer belt at last. The checkout woman frowned. "Please take that down sir." Sirius stared. After all that?

"You don't buy them?" he asked bemused. The woman shook her head before beeping everything through the till. James and Sirius watched in amazement as the numbers appeared on a screen. It was getting higher and higher. The woman announced the price and James and Sirius exchanged confused looks. "30 _pounds_, 50 _pence?_" he repeated. The woman nodded and held out her hand. James took out a 50 pound note and thrust it into the woman's hand. She pressed a button and a drawer popped out. The two men jumped back in surprise.

"Here's your change and receipt." She said shoving coins and notes into James' hands. Sirius loaded all their purchases into bags and into the trolley again and left happily. As they walked through the doors of the shop again they opened on their own.

"I _told _you I didn't do it before!" Sirius complained as the muggles following them managed to do it too.


End file.
